So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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