dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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