I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
