Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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