i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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