Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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