I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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