I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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