non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
