You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
love makes seman taste better
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
