he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
