Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
