I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
