took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Randomize
