it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
