I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
