I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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