I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
