my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
