I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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