I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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