I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
