He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
