I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
