operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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