So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Randomize
