i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize