He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
