Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
