How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
