I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
