is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
