So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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