she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
where does the pee come out of this thing
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
