I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
