this just has baby written all over it
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
