My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
