I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
