I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
