it's too hot outside to masturbate.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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