there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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