Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You did what with his pubic hair?
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