Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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