if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
is wine microwaveable?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
