Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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