areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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