I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
