Just fell off a train. Bad.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
