I cut my penus on the lid.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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