hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
