can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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