when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
