so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
