bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
