And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
