Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
