I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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