Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
