yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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