I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
