Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
