There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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