Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Send help, water and tortillas.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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