I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
