Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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