he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My balls are so social today.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
