I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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