He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
