Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
