I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
