So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
