Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize