Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
